im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
