Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
