Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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