Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
