If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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