i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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