I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
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The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
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I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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