well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
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It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
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First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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