he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
