Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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