you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
