I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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