i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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