Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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