I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
