Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Your penis caused this!
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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