Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
