Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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