its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
