Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
