no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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