I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i think i scared a bird with my dick
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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