I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
