I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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