i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
