$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Jerry, you need to find god
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
