I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
if only i could text you this smell
you will always have a special place in my vag
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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