Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
