i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
