He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
