This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
