You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I am puke
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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