MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
