so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
smell my finger.
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Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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