so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
