Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
