Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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