my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
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