I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just forgot I was standing up.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
