We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
