At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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