I met the friendliest cop last night
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
This is classic penis vs brain.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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