Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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