Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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