People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
