is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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