i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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