we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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