she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize
