Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
