Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize