I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
it's like iHOP with fire
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
