so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
