I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I licked your asshole in confidence.
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