ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
