The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
