ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
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Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
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He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.