Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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