He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad