oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
