I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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