Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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