Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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