dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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