I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
