so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
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