i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
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